Metro Observation #5

Now, I know that when we all ride the subway, if we can’t get a seat, then we all want to make sure that we will be able to stand and hold our balance. There are many simple techniques one can employ to ensure that they won’t be toppling to the floor when the train stops suddenly. Here are some techniques I have used and find to be very dependable:

• Hold onto a handrail; either the vertical ones or the small ones that go across the back of the seats.

This technique works like a charm. All you gotta do is hold onto the rail and brace your feet about a shoulder length apart, and you will be good to go. You can use one hand, or two, whichever suits your fancy. If it is crowded, then just use one hand. The only people who would have a hard time with this would be the hand-less. But I’m sure if you’re hand-less, then you probably are daft enough to figure out a way to cope. I mean, come on, you’ve got no hands!

• Lean against the wall.

Many people seem to prefer this method over the handrail method. Is it because they look cool doing it? Or maybe its because both hands are free, so now you can pour over the latest e-mail forward from your Aunt Millie about Pepsi trying to poison puppies. But I suspect it’s because most people have some strange fear of touching the handrails. I think subway handrails have gotten a bad rap. Probably because most people associate subway handrails with New York City’s germ-infested subway system (which I have no problem passing judgement on at all). But I’m sure its not even that bad anyway. Its not like I’ve seen people licking the hand rails or anything.

• Cling desperately to another person.

Personally, I tend to only notice small children partaking in this method, so it might not be for everyone. But maybe I can start a trend.

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Now, here are some techniques that I have witnessed that I do not approve of:

• Hogging the handrail.

Come on people. Unless all the fluid has drained out of your ears, holding onto the handrail with one hand should be sufficient to keep you from falling. You do not need to lean your entire body against the handrail. For one thing, its annoying to anyone else who is forced to try to share said handrail with you. And it is also slightly perverted looking. The handrail is for safety, not for your pleasure.

• Sitting on the floor.

Ok, so you’re a Metro rider who is fed up with how damn crowded the subway is every time you ride it. I mean come on, 5 pm isn’t that busy really. Everyone should be making room for you! Give me a break. Not only does sitting on the floor take up more freakin’ space than if your lazy ass would have stood up, but it also makes it difficult for people trying to move around you. So unless you want to be stepped on, please don’t sit on the friggin’ floor.

Well that’s all I have for now. In the meantime, try not to be an idiot.

10 Ways to Reuse Your Target Bag*

1. Tiny Trashcan Liner

2. Doggy Duty

3. Water Balloon

4. Roadtrip Rubbish

5. Soggy Laundry

6. Ice Pack for Head Lump

7. Toiletry Tote

8. Kitty Litter Liner

9. Tomorrow’s Lunchbag

10. Care Package Padding

*These were actually printed on the side of one of our leftover plastic Target bags.

Podcasts I Enjoy

Lately I’ve entered the world of podcasts. No, I’m not making a podcast, but merely just listening to some. When podcasts first came out I tried out a bunch but I couldn’t find anything that I wanted to listen to week-in and week-out. But recently I’ve dived back into it and have found some very entertaining podcasts. I would recommend any of the following podcasts. They are great and really do a good job of making the daily commute go by quicker.

Never Not Funny: The Jimmy Pardo Podcast

I’ve seen the comedian Jimmy Pardo on sporadic television appearances and have always enjoyed his comedy. While perusing the comedy category of the podcast section in the iTunes music store, I found this lovely gem. Its a weekly, hour-long podcast featuring comedian Jimmy Pardo, comedian Mike Schmidt and producer Matt Belknap. The show has a simple format. The three of them sit around the kitchen table in Jimmy’s house and banter for an hour. They tell stories from their lives, make fun of people, and make humorous observations about everyday things. Its kind of like you and a group of your buddies sitting around shooting the breeze. And it happens that you and your buddies are really funny.

The Relevant Magazine Podcast

I’ve been a fan of Relevant Magazine for a few years now. I was introduced to it by my wife, Cheri, while she was working at a Christian bookstore. It is a great magazine that observes popular culture through the lens of christianity. The greatest thing about the magazine is that it doesn’t try to pander to the ultra right-wing conservative view of Christianity that, unfortunately, is what dominates much of the Christian culture. But instead takes an honest look at culture and the Christian faith.

In the same manner, the podcast accomplishes this as well. It has a very similar format to Never Not Funny. It is a roundtable discussion between four editors of the magazine and website. They discuss the week’s new releases in music and film. Then they proceed to “the weekly slices.” This is where the editors each pick an news story from the week and give their opinions on the subjects. Mostly the stories are strange, off-beat, and hilarious. The show typically then has either an interview or some other type of non-standard bit related to the magazine. Then the show ends with a discussion of listener feedback followed by the editorial question of the week (and yes, there is a little jingle that goes with that). This is a great podcast to listen to and it makes me feel like that there are people out there just like me.

The Lost Podcast with Jay and Jack

If you couldn’t tell by now, I love the TV series Lost on ABC. It should be quite easy to understand that I would listen to a podcast about the show. The only reason I listen to a podcast about Lost rather than other TV shows I watch is because of the geekdom that is associated with the show. There are people that take notes while watching the show. They create theories and look for easter eggs that will help explain what the heck is going on. This podcast is dedicated to discussing these things.

The podcast typically has two episodes a week, each an hour long. One episode is recorded right after Lost airs on television. This episode recounts what happens in the show and then discusses it. Then the other episode looks forward to the next airing of Lost and discusses theories on what will happen, takes listener calls, and discusses other things Lost related. The podcast is full of great discussion and is very entertaining.

All Songs Considered

This podcast is NPR’s online music show. It is hosted by Bob Boilen (who has a very soothing voice) and usually runs between thirty and sixty minutes. The show features music from all genres–and I mean all genres. Boilen will introduce new music from around the country and the world. If you love good music and are willing to open your ears to something you typically wouldn’t listen to, then this is a great show for you. It has given me a lot of new artists to look for when it comes to finding new music. The show also allows you to submit your own music to be considered for the show. There are submission guidelines on the website.

Technorati: podcasts, jimmy pardo, never not funny, relevant magazine, lost, all songs considered

My Predictions for Season 3 of Lost

1. We will meet the doctor from the Dharma Initiative Orientation videos.
2. Michael and Walt will return to the island.
3. Locke will reveal to his co-survivors that he was once paralyzed.
4. Juliette will betray Benry and the Others and join the survivors.
5. Russo and her daughter Alex will be reunited.

Technorati: lost, lists, predictions

Working Titles for Stephen King’s “The Shining”

The Buffing

The Polishing

The Waxing

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Technorati: books, lists, humor, stephen king

Proposed “Guitar Hero” Sequels

Percussion Champion

Clarinet Activist

Accordian Conquerer

Recorder Advocate

Autoharp Vanquisher

Keytar Mastermind

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Technorati: guitar hero, video games, lists, humor

America’s Funniest Home Videos

Paris Hilton Sex Tape

Kid Rock Sex Tape

Scott Stapp Sex Tape

Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee Sex Tape

Dad getting hit in the crotch with a football

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Technorati: humor, sex tape, lists, america

Common Deaths

Showing off.

Being Squished.

“Hey guys, I bet I could touch the bottom!”

DIY Electrition Kit.

Static Electricity.

Global Warming.

Playing with lighter fluid.

The elderly.

Fish with big pointy teeth.

Shoddy construction.

Entering The Gap^TM.

Forest trolls (Bilbo might be able to help prevent these though).

Forgetting the boogie board.

Roadrunners.

Gluttony.

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Technorati: humor, lists, photography, death

Wikipedia standards?

I was just browsing the Wikipedia recently and I was curious as to what level of popularity is needed for a person, place, or thing to be added to the Wikipedia? This curiosity stemmed from a comment I made on my last post about Sasha and Zamani. I couldn’t find them in the Wikipedia, but a former colleague of mine is in the Wikipedia for being a political leader in the Yukon. Is it more of a popularity contest? Or is it based on how motivated someone is to add an article about a particular subject. I guess not many people are interested in African beliefs in the afterlife, but there must be some interest in the political history of Yukon.

Just to test the randomness of the Wikipedia’s entries, I clicked on the Random Article link on their main page five times and found these entries:

Montane monkey-faced bat: a critically endangered bat who calls the Solomon Islands home.

ISS Avenger: an obscure starship from the Star Trek universe.

Legal Practice Course: the vocational stage for becoming a solicitor in England and Wales.

Yuri Denisyuk: a Russian physicist known for contributions to holography.

Pedreira: the names of parishes in Portugal.

Would these entries ever make it into the Encyclopedia Britannica or the Funk and Wagnalls? I doubt it. But I guess that is what makes the Wikipedia so appealing. It gives those with obscure knowledge a chance to show it off in a (somewhat) widely accepted forum.

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Technorati: wikipedia, lists, internet